So, I pretty much have 19 days til Christmas (and so do you.)
I have to not only come up with money to buy things for my family. I also have to come up with things that I want. UGH.
I love Christmas, and I like getting presents, and I really love getting them.
But I had a lot of money last year. I have no money this year. None.
I also hate coming up with specific things for Christmas. I never can come up with things to tell my mom.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
A good hair day.
I am in Kentucky this week, and I am just missing Kansas City. It's a weird feeling.
It's not like I'm not very happy to be home, it's nice to see people, it's nice to be in familiar places, it's nice to sleep on a futon on the floor, it's nice to see my grandma and my dog. I just realize not being there, I love Kansas City. I love the freedom I have there, I love slowly becoming a part of the community of IHOP, and I'm anxious for the internship so that I can become part of the community truly. I am anxious to get back home and go the student awakening meetings and to be within two minutes of the Global Prayer Room. I realize that is where I want to be, IHOP, that's where I'm meant to be. At least in this season. And that feels pretty good.
It's cool Florence has a Chik-fli-a now though.
It's not like I'm not very happy to be home, it's nice to see people, it's nice to be in familiar places, it's nice to sleep on a futon on the floor, it's nice to see my grandma and my dog. I just realize not being there, I love Kansas City. I love the freedom I have there, I love slowly becoming a part of the community of IHOP, and I'm anxious for the internship so that I can become part of the community truly. I am anxious to get back home and go the student awakening meetings and to be within two minutes of the Global Prayer Room. I realize that is where I want to be, IHOP, that's where I'm meant to be. At least in this season. And that feels pretty good.
It's cool Florence has a Chik-fli-a now though.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Things I've been thinking about
-crayons
-mac & cheese
-diet coke
-leaf piles
-drawings
-prolonged eye contact
-sweaters
-not needing to wear a sweater
-serious talks
-encountering the spirit
-dancing
-thinking about before
-Fire In the Night
-playing with the dog
-getting over it
-graphic design
-relevant podcast in my car
-beards
-wanting new shoes
-mac & cheese
-diet coke
-leaf piles
-drawings
-prolonged eye contact
-sweaters
-not needing to wear a sweater
-serious talks
-encountering the spirit
-dancing
-thinking about before
-Fire In the Night
-playing with the dog
-getting over it
-graphic design
-relevant podcast in my car
-beards
-wanting new shoes
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hm.
Today was really weird. I don't know why, but it was really weird.
I got up really early, because I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. After trying to read my bible, and trying to pray, and trying to relax and fall back asleep, I finally got up and went to the prayer room after renae was gone to work. Then after being the prayer room for a few hours I went back home (because I was finally feeling tired again) I got back in my pajamas (it was around 10) and I fell asleep pretty much immediately. Being that it is GBF I'm not really worried about it. But, while I was asleep, I just kept having bad dream after bad dream, after bad dream. I'd wake myself up out of one, just to fall asleep into another one. It was weird.
Some of the dreams were like dark scary nightmares, and other ones were my typical bad dreams, the ones where everyone that I know decides to hate me, yell at me, rip me apart publicly. Terrible dreams. One of the dreams I dreamt that my Grandma Joanie died all over again, most of the events of the day were as they were in real life (you know, however long ago that was) except instead of me being at Festival like I was in real life, I was around for everything. And instead of my grandma being in the hospital, she was at my house (which is where she lived at the time.) It was miserable.
Another dream I was being kicked out of my house because my roommates decided they didn't like me anymore, which was a more ridiculous dream, but so real and terrible feeling.
Ugh.
I slept til two or something.
Then I woke up and it was super grey and gross out. And I hate days like that. I don't have a lot of gas, so I didn't feel like leaving (because there is really no where to go) so I listened to old relevant podcasts, and ate a salad and it wasn't very good. Then I pretty much laid around, feeling weird and grumpy.
And now I've watched Gilmore Girls and Pushing Daisies and ate noodles and still feel weird. I should probably go to bed early. I don't know if I will. But I should.
I hate when Torie and David are all whispery, it makes me uncomfortable.
I got up really early, because I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. After trying to read my bible, and trying to pray, and trying to relax and fall back asleep, I finally got up and went to the prayer room after renae was gone to work. Then after being the prayer room for a few hours I went back home (because I was finally feeling tired again) I got back in my pajamas (it was around 10) and I fell asleep pretty much immediately. Being that it is GBF I'm not really worried about it. But, while I was asleep, I just kept having bad dream after bad dream, after bad dream. I'd wake myself up out of one, just to fall asleep into another one. It was weird.
Some of the dreams were like dark scary nightmares, and other ones were my typical bad dreams, the ones where everyone that I know decides to hate me, yell at me, rip me apart publicly. Terrible dreams. One of the dreams I dreamt that my Grandma Joanie died all over again, most of the events of the day were as they were in real life (you know, however long ago that was) except instead of me being at Festival like I was in real life, I was around for everything. And instead of my grandma being in the hospital, she was at my house (which is where she lived at the time.) It was miserable.
Another dream I was being kicked out of my house because my roommates decided they didn't like me anymore, which was a more ridiculous dream, but so real and terrible feeling.
Ugh.
I slept til two or something.
Then I woke up and it was super grey and gross out. And I hate days like that. I don't have a lot of gas, so I didn't feel like leaving (because there is really no where to go) so I listened to old relevant podcasts, and ate a salad and it wasn't very good. Then I pretty much laid around, feeling weird and grumpy.
And now I've watched Gilmore Girls and Pushing Daisies and ate noodles and still feel weird. I should probably go to bed early. I don't know if I will. But I should.
I hate when Torie and David are all whispery, it makes me uncomfortable.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Don't you hate that feeling of KNOWING that someone is looking at you.
So, I had to fill out a bunch of papers for Fire in the Night, and take them to this office and that office blah blah blah. And IHOP is so uber-unorganized it’s silly! But yeah, so I had filled out one paper that needed to go to the registrar, and I took it there, and the lady (who is not the registrar, but just a TA) was like “Oh, Steven Venable has to sign off on this first. He’s teaching the class that’s going on right now, you should try to find him first.” So I went back down the stairs (and I have to explain that this was in the main auditorium of FSM…which is a church more or less, and it has a big stage and chairs, and then along the back wall are sort of big steps/bleacher type things, and up those are offices, including the one I was going to. So I had walked up beachers, where people were sitting, so in the middle of them, because their class was just starting.)
But by the time I got down the stairs again (and they’re big wide seats, so it’s not like it’s easy to walk up and down them) Steven was on stage starting class (a class of like 150 people) so I couldn’t really talk to him. SO then I walked ALL THE WAY BACK UP THE BLEACHERS, again, and the lady was like “Oh, well, you could probably get mary beth to sign off, and then I’ll give it to Steven.”
So I had to go BACK to the downstairs offices to find Mary Beth (who I was JUST meeting with…) and have her ok the paper, and THEN GO BACK UP THE STUPID bleachers.
That stupid story is to say I awkwardly climbed up & down the bleachers three times, and had to squeeze by people who were sitting there having class, and I noticed the whole time I was doing this the cute boy who wears cardigans all the time from the GPR is sitting at the top of the bleachers and has been really obviously watching me scurry back and forth with my papers.
And I didn’t want to be a creep and stare back.
But I could feel it. And I saw him doing it too. He wasn’t even being subtle about the staring.
But by the time I got down the stairs again (and they’re big wide seats, so it’s not like it’s easy to walk up and down them) Steven was on stage starting class (a class of like 150 people) so I couldn’t really talk to him. SO then I walked ALL THE WAY BACK UP THE BLEACHERS, again, and the lady was like “Oh, well, you could probably get mary beth to sign off, and then I’ll give it to Steven.”
So I had to go BACK to the downstairs offices to find Mary Beth (who I was JUST meeting with…) and have her ok the paper, and THEN GO BACK UP THE STUPID bleachers.
That stupid story is to say I awkwardly climbed up & down the bleachers three times, and had to squeeze by people who were sitting there having class, and I noticed the whole time I was doing this the cute boy who wears cardigans all the time from the GPR is sitting at the top of the bleachers and has been really obviously watching me scurry back and forth with my papers.
And I didn’t want to be a creep and stare back.
But I could feel it. And I saw him doing it too. He wasn’t even being subtle about the staring.
Ugh.
that was a dumb story. I don’t know why I told you.
Monday, October 26, 2009
I'm pretending I'm not in Kansas City.
It's hard sometimes, not to be home. Like today. I don't know why, but I don't want to do anything, but it would be nice to at least do nothing in Florence. That sounds silly, but my mom, my grandma, my dog, my starbucks, my library (bleh, but still), my mall, my friends are there. They are. And that's nice.
Because here I am in Kansas City, and I don't even have anyone to talk to really.
I mean, of course my roommates are here, but they don't talk like me, and if we aren't doing something there's not a lot to talk about. I want to talk to someone about nothing, or about somethings. I'm feeling down and I just need to talk.
I don't know what about (or, I do...) but I don't want to cry.
And I don't want to sound silly.
I just want to talk.
I haven't been sleeping well. That is, until I fall asleep in the middle of the day for ten hours after I haven't been able to sleep four nights in a row (that happened yesterday and the day before. I slept enough for the whole week that I had barely slept.)
I was reading my old xanga today, and I decided I would try to write here all the time, like I said I would.
Even if I don't have anything to say.
so there you go, because I really don't have anything to say.
Because here I am in Kansas City, and I don't even have anyone to talk to really.
I mean, of course my roommates are here, but they don't talk like me, and if we aren't doing something there's not a lot to talk about. I want to talk to someone about nothing, or about somethings. I'm feeling down and I just need to talk.
I don't know what about (or, I do...) but I don't want to cry.
And I don't want to sound silly.
I just want to talk.
I haven't been sleeping well. That is, until I fall asleep in the middle of the day for ten hours after I haven't been able to sleep four nights in a row (that happened yesterday and the day before. I slept enough for the whole week that I had barely slept.)
I was reading my old xanga today, and I decided I would try to write here all the time, like I said I would.
Even if I don't have anything to say.
so there you go, because I really don't have anything to say.
Moleskins part two & three.
The following are out the next Moleskin I bought...It appears to be from where the last one left off (end of summerish 2008) through March 2009.
"MONDAYS ARE RUINED FOREVER."
"Thanks, John Shaft, for everything you've done for my life. Which is a lot."
"Why are you so nice and cute and have a beard? It's distracting. I'll miss you." (I have NO idea who that is about, I'm not kidding.)
"I have a crush on Stuart Murdoch, I don't care that he is old and ugly."
"Damn it, Jim."
"Verizon Guy, you're even pretty with a hangover. Poor Adrick, you are not."
"I just waited on someone who looked dead on Toby from the Office. Toby from the Office really loves White Chocolate Mochas, we just talked about it."
"I'm a hangover doctor today! Three people have told me this! Good for me? Doesn't matter, hungover people tip hella good."
"I wish [name] wasn't so flighty, and that he would remember and not treat me so indifferently. I wish that [other name] was still considerate of me. And I wish that [other other name] could ever legitimately like me. More than a friend. Even though that is the gayest statement ever."
"ARGH. YOU. AGAIN."
"so mewithoutyou is really good? really really really good? so is the office, and sondre lerche talking about cooookies on youtube, and ira glass touring boarders, and toothpaste for dinner...I think I'm going to just marry the internet. I love it more than anyone else."
"I can't wait to see all the bands at midpoint! Cool Hand Luke! Turnbull! Seedy seeds....[stopped halfway through writing it] JK NO ONE WILL GO WITH ME."
"I have a huge crush on Erlend Oye. I just thought I'd let someone know, I just thought of it." (this is the greatest thing ever.)
"J'ai FAIM."
"Fantastic news! I just saw Stephen! Not fantastic! I was kidding!!"
"The most beautiful Israeli man I've ever seen just talked to me. I will never forget this moment." (except for...I did.)
"I just had a customer from New Zealand; he was funny and asked me to guess where his accent was from. I had no clue, and didn't want to not guess so I guessed New Zealand. He was amazed, because I was right, he asked me how I knew. I lied and said it wasn't based on anything I just guessed. I actually knew because he sounded like Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords, but I didn't want to offend the guy."
"Wait, uh, you didn't get the memo did you? oh...that's embarrassing. Yeah, it's actually not 1996 anymore, and rockabilly really isn't very cool anymore...Yeah, nice shirt though."
"John Cabrera who is Brian on Gilmore Girls just emailed me on myspace. How weird." (This isn't that weird, because he talks to me on twitter all the time, and reblogs me on tumblr a lot. Ha ha. I forget that I used to think he was famous.)
"EVERYONE SUCKS!"
"I like the medicine. It was making me feel better. But now...Now I feel worse."
"Aw, so there's a cute boy at macy's home. he was nice to me. Aw. I'm so pathetic. Like a puppy."
"This is most likely rooted in a Ryan Adams' song, but, I really have a thing for people calling me 'Darlin' unless they are a creeper."
"So, I had a dream last night. And in my dream, I lived in Norway (or, what seemed like Norway in my dream, since I've never actually been to norway.) And I living in a little log house, near a lake. And then in my dream I was married to Erlend Oye...and that kind of startled me, because I really had no warning of it. And he had quit music, he only made music for me, and just produced other people's albums and worked in a cafe, because he had a lot of money from his money making days. We wanted to have kids and teach them to speak english and norwegian and play guitar. So then my dream zoomed forward and we had a lot of blonde children, and we moved to the alps and lived in a chateau on a mountain side. It was a really nice...dream, so to speak. Which was weird, because I had cried myself to sleep.
That's what happens when sad music makes you happy."
"I just got given a present from the tall israeli guy... a ramen packet. He thinks that "cheekeen powder" is gross in spaghetti. I don't know what to do with it... I mean, wait, keep it forever because he is the cutest human being ever."
"I'm so glad there is a 'that's what she said' app for blackberry AND iphones now!"
"I imagine my husband will be blonde and tall...my mom thinks he will be blonde, but a shorter version of someone who is like 'brian without a beard'... I have a feeling my mom has a particular person in her mind. THAT'S GREAT, THANKS FOR THAT ONE."
"Aw, the bald one is so nice. Too bad he is bald, his flirtations aren't even affecting me at all."
"I want to grow up, and know that I am loved. I want to be loved by my Father, loved by my family. And I am, I am loved."
"Dave Clark is a freaking idiot. And I hate him."
And then, I didn't have one that I wrote in for awhile. Mostly just kept a work schedule in it...Ha ha.
The first one was really good though.
"MONDAYS ARE RUINED FOREVER."
"Thanks, John Shaft, for everything you've done for my life. Which is a lot."
"Why are you so nice and cute and have a beard? It's distracting. I'll miss you." (I have NO idea who that is about, I'm not kidding.)
"I have a crush on Stuart Murdoch, I don't care that he is old and ugly."
"Damn it, Jim."
"Verizon Guy, you're even pretty with a hangover. Poor Adrick, you are not."
"I just waited on someone who looked dead on Toby from the Office. Toby from the Office really loves White Chocolate Mochas, we just talked about it."
"I'm a hangover doctor today! Three people have told me this! Good for me? Doesn't matter, hungover people tip hella good."
"I wish [name] wasn't so flighty, and that he would remember and not treat me so indifferently. I wish that [other name] was still considerate of me. And I wish that [other other name] could ever legitimately like me. More than a friend. Even though that is the gayest statement ever."
"ARGH. YOU. AGAIN."
"so mewithoutyou is really good? really really really good? so is the office, and sondre lerche talking about cooookies on youtube, and ira glass touring boarders, and toothpaste for dinner...I think I'm going to just marry the internet. I love it more than anyone else."
"I can't wait to see all the bands at midpoint! Cool Hand Luke! Turnbull! Seedy seeds....[stopped halfway through writing it] JK NO ONE WILL GO WITH ME."
"I have a huge crush on Erlend Oye. I just thought I'd let someone know, I just thought of it." (this is the greatest thing ever.)
"J'ai FAIM."
"Fantastic news! I just saw Stephen! Not fantastic! I was kidding!!"
"The most beautiful Israeli man I've ever seen just talked to me. I will never forget this moment." (except for...I did.)
"I just had a customer from New Zealand; he was funny and asked me to guess where his accent was from. I had no clue, and didn't want to not guess so I guessed New Zealand. He was amazed, because I was right, he asked me how I knew. I lied and said it wasn't based on anything I just guessed. I actually knew because he sounded like Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords, but I didn't want to offend the guy."
"Wait, uh, you didn't get the memo did you? oh...that's embarrassing. Yeah, it's actually not 1996 anymore, and rockabilly really isn't very cool anymore...Yeah, nice shirt though."
"John Cabrera who is Brian on Gilmore Girls just emailed me on myspace. How weird." (This isn't that weird, because he talks to me on twitter all the time, and reblogs me on tumblr a lot. Ha ha. I forget that I used to think he was famous.)
"EVERYONE SUCKS!"
"I like the medicine. It was making me feel better. But now...Now I feel worse."
"Aw, so there's a cute boy at macy's home. he was nice to me. Aw. I'm so pathetic. Like a puppy."
"This is most likely rooted in a Ryan Adams' song, but, I really have a thing for people calling me 'Darlin' unless they are a creeper."
"So, I had a dream last night. And in my dream, I lived in Norway (or, what seemed like Norway in my dream, since I've never actually been to norway.) And I living in a little log house, near a lake. And then in my dream I was married to Erlend Oye...and that kind of startled me, because I really had no warning of it. And he had quit music, he only made music for me, and just produced other people's albums and worked in a cafe, because he had a lot of money from his money making days. We wanted to have kids and teach them to speak english and norwegian and play guitar. So then my dream zoomed forward and we had a lot of blonde children, and we moved to the alps and lived in a chateau on a mountain side. It was a really nice...dream, so to speak. Which was weird, because I had cried myself to sleep.
That's what happens when sad music makes you happy."
"I just got given a present from the tall israeli guy... a ramen packet. He thinks that "cheekeen powder" is gross in spaghetti. I don't know what to do with it... I mean, wait, keep it forever because he is the cutest human being ever."
"I'm so glad there is a 'that's what she said' app for blackberry AND iphones now!"
"I imagine my husband will be blonde and tall...my mom thinks he will be blonde, but a shorter version of someone who is like 'brian without a beard'... I have a feeling my mom has a particular person in her mind. THAT'S GREAT, THANKS FOR THAT ONE."
"Aw, the bald one is so nice. Too bad he is bald, his flirtations aren't even affecting me at all."
"I want to grow up, and know that I am loved. I want to be loved by my Father, loved by my family. And I am, I am loved."
"Dave Clark is a freaking idiot. And I hate him."
And then, I didn't have one that I wrote in for awhile. Mostly just kept a work schedule in it...Ha ha.
The first one was really good though.
Moleskins.
I keep real journals, in real notebooks, where I keep all my day to day (mostly) thoughts and goings ons.
Then, I have moleskin journals; I carry them around with me all the time, wherever I am, work, church, ect. I used them for all sorts of things. Sometimes I take notes at church or school, or I just write single lines, lists, or paragraphs of whatever is on my mind at the time. Usually of no consequence.
But, the moleskins are the most interesting.
Here's a few selections from old moleskins that are actually closer to telling about me than my regular organized journals.
Then, I have moleskin journals; I carry them around with me all the time, wherever I am, work, church, ect. I used them for all sorts of things. Sometimes I take notes at church or school, or I just write single lines, lists, or paragraphs of whatever is on my mind at the time. Usually of no consequence.
But, the moleskins are the most interesting.
Here's a few selections from old moleskins that are actually closer to telling about me than my regular organized journals.
"(stop being an ass.)"
- first page of my moleskin that I kept from june 2007 through july 2008, the following quotes are from that journal.
(it used to take me a long time to fill one up.)
- first page of my moleskin that I kept from june 2007 through july 2008, the following quotes are from that journal.
(it used to take me a long time to fill one up.)
"You're so shallow. I know you know it. But, sometimes I wish you could see it from my point of view (three lines of scribbled out words) you know I feel like shit too."
"Feeling loads better. Need to keep this up. Not the choppy sentences, lacking defined subjects, but the feeling better. Need to stay focused. Really truly."
"I hate losing faith in people."
"there is an asian boy sitting next to me at school; he is listening to Percy Grainger on his laptop, rather loudly."
"I didn't want to say anything, but I thought you two should date. You're cuter, and saner, I just think something is wrong with him...Now I know there is." (a quote I wrote down, aimed towards me, by Sara Ailshire. Summer 07)
"I need to explain, I want to. But I can't."
"I love that I absolutely forget what I'm talking about in here all the time."
"sometimes you're so... like you might love me. other times, most times, real life times, you don't. and that's okay, I promise. But, stop, stop doing those things, just be honest. Come on now, you've been killing me for years."
"I should've moved to Kansas City when I had the chance. Damn."
"This entire journal is just forgets, and love notes...to people who aren't aware of my existence."
"STAMP OF APPROVAL!"
"I freaking love Ryan Adams so freaking much. Argh."
"All over print hoodies hurt my eyes with their ugliness."
"I have never been so attracted to someone in my ENTIRE LIFE. That's gross." (don't read into that one too much, ha ha.)
"black sweater, black sweater, black sweater, black sweater....ahhhhhhhhhhhh. wear it everyday."
"Fred said "...You always look thin." Fred is full of shit. I told him so."
"Screw it, I give up, why pretend anymore....I REALLY LIKE VAMPIRE WEEKEND."
"Okay, I see how it is. Don't talk to me anymore. Fine. I know you love me though. Kyle get out of here, you asshole, you're ruining my chances at happiness." (ha ha ha ha...)
"one time, there was a ceramic taco on the floor of the band room; then sara broke it. reguardless, it was strange."
"my eye has been twitching for a freaking week. this blows."
"I think that Gorgey Matt is a proper princess, good for ...him."
"I bought some running shoes, and I am a freaking jerk."
"Boris is my russian friend. He is the best russian friend I've ever had."
"Pet sounds...is so good."
"STUPID ASS WENDY'S FULL OF CRAP AND OTHER BAD WORDS."
"Blake Sennet was Jenny Lewis's first boyfriend; I thought this was important to know."
"Why am I an asshole?"
"Mr. Dude, let's run away together. Don't tell Matt. It's all a dream."
"I love love love love love you Will Sheff. You're awesome."
"Plan for semester one of college: Buy an ipod."
"NO! STOP! COME HERE! I'M SO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I kind of want to jump your bones, this is wrong, forget I ever said it."
"There are only 410 movies I need to see before I die...according to that book."
"I miss Uri."
"Lust is bad, don't do it."
"And all I want is an ipod...and a boyfriend."
"jkjkjkjkjkjkjk....obviously!"
"I wonder how well they can see me...oops."
"Matt Hales is beautiful. I love Aqualung. Simon Woods gay. How stupid."
"Chan Marshall is running for president? huh?"
"YOU MAKE ME SO MAD WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN?"
"Verizon guy's name is NOT Michael Roberts, kthnx kt."
"Mickey is such a freaking idiot. So is Dave... Why do I work with the hugest idiots EVER?"
"Contrary to my own belief even, I don't actually want him to get hurt. Though, I do believe he deserves it. I care immensely for his well being, or lack there of. And I think somewhere deep down he would say the same thing for me. Though, probably not so eloquently."
"Someone please punch me in the face."
"I wish you weren't so stupid all the time...Fred."
"Will Sheff, let's get married and make kind of asiany looking babies. It'll be cool."
"Can I borrow your Kroger plus card?... or maybe just your phone number will work too?--greatest pick up line anyone has ever used on me. I let him use the card."
"Don't eavesdrop on me, Verizon guy...I mean, wait, no go right on ahead."
"OH WELL. OH WELL. OH. WELL."
"I'll be better when I wake up in the morning."
"Stephen? For the love of God, I hope that's not it."
"AHA. CHRIS."
"you should've been on a date with ME, not that girl with the really ugly hair. I am SO much cuter. AND I like good music, books, films, ect, and I love Jesus. I am WAY more interesting, I BET. Damnit."
"I hate tuesdays and thursdays...with...ev...ery....FI...BERRR....OF MY BEING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every. Single. One. Every Fiber. Every Tuesday. Everything Thursday. Every one."
"JIMMY BRAAAADY." (? ha ha.)
"Jimmy Brady looks like Pygar from Barbarella. Ha ha ha ha."
"Come get yo' cooooffeee. At the beanery! Our coffee only partially sucks!!"
"I love pens."
"AT&T guys are super skanks."
"I hope you get cancer or herpes....no I don't."
"Today I hate mall walkers. Today is everyday."
"Matt Slocum looked exactly how I imagined he would look, and I was like 'Whoa, how did I know that? He doesn't look like he does in pictures?' I kind of thought I was prophetic or something. And then I remembered, freaking duh, I met Matt Slocum last year, so clearly I've seen him before."
"Minus the Bear??? Ohhhhhh DANNNNNNG."
"What do the Cincinnati Bell dudes have stuck up their...don't answer that."
"He drives a SAAB? Dear Lord Father God is Heaven."
"Well, go me. I look cute in boots."
"Jeff from AT&T takes picture of kids on leashes and his phone is full of said pictures, he thinks it's funny. He just told me this."
"I love beards, I love the idea of something to hold on to. - Jane...that doesn't even make sense, but I agree."
"I chew ice."
"I HATE THE LIBRARY AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR, INCLUDING LITERACY."
"I love watching Jimmy and G-rod check out girls, it cracks me up how big of douches they are."
"Babies. Babies. Babies?"
"I hate you most of the time, I don't understand you ever. This is the end of the book."
So, I was pathetic at first...And then I started working at the beanery.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I got so much to give, you gotta release me...
So, I realized that I've moved away from home. I'm buying my own groceries. I'm sick and I'm nursing myself... to more sickness... but that's besides the point. The point is, I am kind of growing up. I'm realizing there's nothing wrong with moving on, that there's some validity in living not where you grew up. Not everyone is my parents, I'm not my parents. And I guess I just thought I should be. Now, I'm not saying I'm never going to live there again, in Florence, or even in Cincinnati, I'm just saying, I don't have to. And for the first time in my life that's okay. I'm starting to realize that I can do what I want to do, not what I think I should do (which, is to say, I need to do the right thing, but I don't necessarily have to not do something because it's too hard. Or I'm too scared.)
I'm done being scared, and I'm ready to be myself... How corny am I. Seriously. Seriously. I'm super corny.
But that's not the point I'm trying to make. I'm trying to say, there's nothing wrong with wanting something.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend this season of my life in Kansas City, praying, and pressing in to God.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to start a music zine and go to shows, and write about it. (heck, in the age of blogs?)
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to get married.
And there's nothing wrong with being scared, as long as it doesn't give you anxiety attacks and prevent you from functioning and puts you on medication.
I'm getting over it.
btw, been sick, think about me when you pray. or, better, pray for me. I need to get out of this funk.
I'm done being scared, and I'm ready to be myself... How corny am I. Seriously. Seriously. I'm super corny.
But that's not the point I'm trying to make. I'm trying to say, there's nothing wrong with wanting something.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend this season of my life in Kansas City, praying, and pressing in to God.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to start a music zine and go to shows, and write about it. (heck, in the age of blogs?)
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to get married.
And there's nothing wrong with being scared, as long as it doesn't give you anxiety attacks and prevent you from functioning and puts you on medication.
I'm getting over it.
btw, been sick, think about me when you pray. or, better, pray for me. I need to get out of this funk.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Pomegranates.
It's raining outside and it is cold. I am sitting in my living room, in the empty house, thinking about being at home and Christmastime. Not seriously though, just in passing.
Things have been okay this past week. My mind is occupied on crushes on boys and the future and going home for thanksgiving; mostly though, on how good God is, and how happy I am about that.
My lovely (lovely is a proper descriptor, they have different forms of British accents, lovely is a proper British word) small group leaders, Wes and Carol Hall blessed me this week with a coat! A coat! Which is the greatest because it is so cold.
It's not super flattering, but it is very warm and not hideous.
It was the greatest.
Um. I lost my train of thought.
I got a coat.
ENTRY FIN.
Things have been okay this past week. My mind is occupied on crushes on boys and the future and going home for thanksgiving; mostly though, on how good God is, and how happy I am about that.
My lovely (lovely is a proper descriptor, they have different forms of British accents, lovely is a proper British word) small group leaders, Wes and Carol Hall blessed me this week with a coat! A coat! Which is the greatest because it is so cold.
It's not super flattering, but it is very warm and not hideous.
It was the greatest.
Um. I lost my train of thought.
I got a coat.
ENTRY FIN.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Ahhhhghhsdklfjalsdfj.
Sometimes I wish that people who just go away. I love 'um, I really do. But sometimes I just get so sick of people, and I just wanna hang out with Jesus.
Today was a good day.
But, I just feel worn out by things.
It's hard to know what to do sometimes.
Talk to you all soon.
Today was a good day.
But, I just feel worn out by things.
It's hard to know what to do sometimes.
Talk to you all soon.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
the comeback!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (aka-I hope you can read past the parentheticals phrases that are a little overpowering)
I am usually not a lover of the many explanation points (three is always more than enough,) but I am using that tactic this morning to illustrate the fact that I'm drinking so much coffee, and I'm awake and ready to go (where, I don't know, because I don't even have class this morning) at six am.
You might be wondering, if you know me at all, why am I up at six am? Or, ready BY six am, therefore up BEFORE six am. Well, that is a totally good and valid question; the answer is, I'm not sure if I slept at all. I mean, my eyes were closed for awhile, but I don't know if I would call it sleep. My mind was awake, but not in a dreamy way. So I'm just going to say I've been up for like...Eh, I don't know, not twenty fours...maybe, like twentyish hours? 19? 17 at the least. Don't remember when I really woke up yesterday (which feels like today when there isn't anything to separate the days. Anyway, there I go making two sentences' worth of thought into twenty.
How's everyone?
I'm well. Good, even. It's GBF (global bridegroom fast--though, I doubt that helps anyone too much,) week here at good ol' not pancakes IHOP (you get that right? so I don't have to clarify anymore?) so no classes this week. Just extra prayer room hours and an extra paper or two to write. But no classes is nice, on any other day than today, I would mention the not having to get up so early, but I am up way earlier than ever getting up early would be today. But, being GBF things are busier in their less busyness. It's weird like that.
And in case anyone was wondering, I am not fasting. I am currently eating toast.
Hm. What things do I have to tell you? Well, today, I am going to talk to Renae's boss at the daycare where she works about a once a week job. It wouldn't be a lot of money, or a lot of hours, but anything helps. I would be a preschool teacher, of sorts. Which sounds fun, honestly, I think that kids that age are the cutest.
I have also been thinking very hard (and praying, heh heh) the past weekish or so about instead of going back to FSM next year (or, even semester, I don't know how that works really,) but to do the Fire in the Night internship. It's a little bit more money, but I wouldn't have to pay rent, because my housing would be included. So I'm not sure. I have to pray more about it.
But, I'm having a hard time really getting into things here, because I don't have to be. I have to go to class, and have to go to the prayer room, but those are really individualistic things. I don't have to be friends with anyone, I don't have to develop a community with them if I don't want to. And, surprise-surprise, I have a really really hard time with things like that. I get nervous, and talk myself out of even trying to be friends with people, based on my own insecurities. So, if I'm not in a situation in which I have to be social, I will not be social; but I'll suffer from it, terribly. It's not a good thing. Being part of an internship would put me in the situation in which I would be forced to participate, get to know the girls I'd live with, etcetera. I don't know, the more I think about it, the more it sounds like the best choice... But you know, I'm not sure yet. I need to talk with my parents and so on. Pray for me though.
Um, I don't really have much else to say (but oh, I do, I just am not going to.)
I hope that you all are enjoying this morning, I know I am. :)
I hope that you all are enjoying this morning, I know I am. :)
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
"You can't see the truth in a house of lies"
Sometimes really great lines come from people who amidst their personal lives you wouldn't necessarily excpect profound things...Like Ryan Adams.
Today has been the worst day since I've moved here, and nothing truly traumatic happened. It was really just all a lot of little things (and a big whopping migraine,) that made me really in a terrible mood. And, truth be told, I have really no one to tell it to. So I won't bother telling you.
(though, in the heat of the moment, I did write this on tumblr, feel free to feel my pain.)
Mostly all I have to say is, as of RIGHT now, Christmas (or Thanksgiving if I am very very lucky,) cannot come fast enough. And that sucks because September is taking it's sweet time finishing up.
Really, I just want someone to talk to. That's about it.
I'm kind of done with this entry, there isn't much to report. I've already buried my face in my sorrows, now I'm sitting on my deck and looking into the distance, listening to crickets and looking at the seafoam green house I can see out my window.
Today has been the worst day since I've moved here, and nothing truly traumatic happened. It was really just all a lot of little things (and a big whopping migraine,) that made me really in a terrible mood. And, truth be told, I have really no one to tell it to. So I won't bother telling you.
(though, in the heat of the moment, I did write this on tumblr, feel free to feel my pain.)
Mostly all I have to say is, as of RIGHT now, Christmas (or Thanksgiving if I am very very lucky,) cannot come fast enough. And that sucks because September is taking it's sweet time finishing up.
Really, I just want someone to talk to. That's about it.
I'm kind of done with this entry, there isn't much to report. I've already buried my face in my sorrows, now I'm sitting on my deck and looking into the distance, listening to crickets and looking at the seafoam green house I can see out my window.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Oh, my belly.
Correy Russell is our teacher this week in Core Class, which is nothing is not slightly surreal. Now, I've been aware of the fact that I am at IHOP (duh,) and that it is the same IHOP that is on TV at home; but having these people that are speaking prayers out into the air at my house when my mom has the TV on be my teachers is kind of weird. I mean, it's not like we are in a small classroom or anything, we aren't; we are at the main sanctuary at FSM which is huge (and freaking cold, but I don't wanna get myself started on that.) and there's around 200 people in my core class. But still, Correy Russell is one of the people I remember the best from seeing IHOP on TV, and he is my teacher this week. How crazy.
And classes are so good, but so intense. Hence my belly: I am worn out from crying out, I am worn out from crying out and feeling the holy spirit inside coming out, I am emotionally exhausted--and my belly hurts! I can only assume that it's coming from the breakthrough that I'm feel like I've been going through; I've felt like I've gone through more delieverance in the past two days than I have been the whole month and a few days/weekish I've been here. Wow, God is so amazing.
Anyway, whenever I try to write about spiritual matters in any other setting than in my prayer journal or so on they come out ramblings that only make sense while I'm writing them. And a blogspot about my everyday comings and goings seems to not be ideal.
So, since I've last written I've been in a slightly better mood. Only slightly.
But, I have been. I'm not lying.
Friday was an okay day, I think. From what I can remember it wasn't that specific. I got coffee with Jane and tried my darndest (?) to cheer her up (it was hard, she was bummmmmed out.)
I watched a lot of Greek on hulu. That's what I've been doing when I haven't been in class/prayer room, watching a terrible terrible television show. (By the way, I started watching it on wednesday, and I'm all the way through the first season and 15 episodes of the second season...don't add up the hours. I hate you.)
Then, I had to go to a picnic on Saturday. Which was lame and almost made me want to call my mom and ask her if I could move back home already. I sat alone on a picnic table bench, two people said hello to me, one of them being a teacher, and I ate a gross hot dog. Because the day was so crappy I got so anxious and uncomfortable I developed a migraine and went home and turned off all lights and sounds and slept for four hours and felt nauseous. :(
During the evening on Saturday, after I slept off my headache, I got up and Janae and Tori's cousins were in town for the night and staying over at our house. So Rebekah was over and they were going to have a fire, and sit on the back porch. Janae invited me out, but I had had enough socializing for the day. And, really, what would I have to talk about with them? I barely have anything to talk about with Janae and Tori, let alone Rebekah, and the cousins (who are two dudes in their twenties from Colorado), seriously nothing to say. And I was grouchy, and I hate being grouchy and thus awkward and making first impressions. It was good for everyone if I just stayed in my room. I had my door open because Hayley was really antsy with all the new people coming in and out so she kept coming in and out of my room as well, so Rebekah came and told me that I was allowed to be outside with them, don't feel like I couldn't be...and that they're good Christian boys so I shouldn't be scared of their "worldliness"....Oh man, I was SO angry. SO ANGRY. That was really rude. Sometimes....guh.
But a little after that Jordan walked by and I told her that my day sucked and she invited me to hang out the next morning with her. And that was really great.
Jordan hangs out and does her work at a coffee shop in Waldo (about ten minutes away from Grandview, closer up towards the Plaza and Brookside) called "Coffee Girls" and it was so cute, and has the greatest IKEA furniture and it's so clean and designy. We hung out there and I got a free cafe au lait that was pretty much awesome. Her friend Dallas came and hung out for a little while too; he's pretty cool, I mean he loves some of the same things that I love...that start with "I" at least...Ira Glass and IKEA. :) So that was all good coversation.
Once Jordan had something else she had to go do I met Jane at Broadway and we hung out in westport the rest of the afternoon. Sunday was a generally respectable day.
That's pretty much all I've been up to, since I last wrote.
Mostly I am totally drained by the heavy teaching this week...in a good way.
Now I'm sitting outside the prayer room. I've been going in an out, I'm so tired when I go in there though! Gah, I have to keep leaving to help from falling asleep.
I like free wifi, it's a beautiful day.
Cheers. I bought headphones, and am listening to my ipod...it's been too long Robert, I've missed you ever so much.
Fleet Foxes :) mmm. Perfect music for the weather. Later Skaters.
And classes are so good, but so intense. Hence my belly: I am worn out from crying out, I am worn out from crying out and feeling the holy spirit inside coming out, I am emotionally exhausted--and my belly hurts! I can only assume that it's coming from the breakthrough that I'm feel like I've been going through; I've felt like I've gone through more delieverance in the past two days than I have been the whole month and a few days/weekish I've been here. Wow, God is so amazing.
Anyway, whenever I try to write about spiritual matters in any other setting than in my prayer journal or so on they come out ramblings that only make sense while I'm writing them. And a blogspot about my everyday comings and goings seems to not be ideal.
So, since I've last written I've been in a slightly better mood. Only slightly.
But, I have been. I'm not lying.
Friday was an okay day, I think. From what I can remember it wasn't that specific. I got coffee with Jane and tried my darndest (?) to cheer her up (it was hard, she was bummmmmed out.)
I watched a lot of Greek on hulu. That's what I've been doing when I haven't been in class/prayer room, watching a terrible terrible television show. (By the way, I started watching it on wednesday, and I'm all the way through the first season and 15 episodes of the second season...don't add up the hours. I hate you.)
Then, I had to go to a picnic on Saturday. Which was lame and almost made me want to call my mom and ask her if I could move back home already. I sat alone on a picnic table bench, two people said hello to me, one of them being a teacher, and I ate a gross hot dog. Because the day was so crappy I got so anxious and uncomfortable I developed a migraine and went home and turned off all lights and sounds and slept for four hours and felt nauseous. :(
During the evening on Saturday, after I slept off my headache, I got up and Janae and Tori's cousins were in town for the night and staying over at our house. So Rebekah was over and they were going to have a fire, and sit on the back porch. Janae invited me out, but I had had enough socializing for the day. And, really, what would I have to talk about with them? I barely have anything to talk about with Janae and Tori, let alone Rebekah, and the cousins (who are two dudes in their twenties from Colorado), seriously nothing to say. And I was grouchy, and I hate being grouchy and thus awkward and making first impressions. It was good for everyone if I just stayed in my room. I had my door open because Hayley was really antsy with all the new people coming in and out so she kept coming in and out of my room as well, so Rebekah came and told me that I was allowed to be outside with them, don't feel like I couldn't be...and that they're good Christian boys so I shouldn't be scared of their "worldliness"....Oh man, I was SO angry. SO ANGRY. That was really rude. Sometimes....guh.
But a little after that Jordan walked by and I told her that my day sucked and she invited me to hang out the next morning with her. And that was really great.
Jordan hangs out and does her work at a coffee shop in Waldo (about ten minutes away from Grandview, closer up towards the Plaza and Brookside) called "Coffee Girls" and it was so cute, and has the greatest IKEA furniture and it's so clean and designy. We hung out there and I got a free cafe au lait that was pretty much awesome. Her friend Dallas came and hung out for a little while too; he's pretty cool, I mean he loves some of the same things that I love...that start with "I" at least...Ira Glass and IKEA. :) So that was all good coversation.
Once Jordan had something else she had to go do I met Jane at Broadway and we hung out in westport the rest of the afternoon. Sunday was a generally respectable day.
That's pretty much all I've been up to, since I last wrote.
Mostly I am totally drained by the heavy teaching this week...in a good way.
Now I'm sitting outside the prayer room. I've been going in an out, I'm so tired when I go in there though! Gah, I have to keep leaving to help from falling asleep.
I like free wifi, it's a beautiful day.
Cheers. I bought headphones, and am listening to my ipod...it's been too long Robert, I've missed you ever so much.
Fleet Foxes :) mmm. Perfect music for the weather. Later Skaters.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Well, trying.
Today I took a day off, mostly.
I've watched TV on my computer, cleaned up my room, listened to music, reorganized my bookcases, deep conditioned my hair with my stain conditioner, and trimmed my bangs.
Then, Jane and I went to Target.
I am mostly doing not much.
But I want to try and update more.
More, when (if) it happens.
Oh, the dog is weird today and stood outside my door CRYING VERY LOUDLY from about 7:30-9:30 off and on.
It was annoying. And she just wanted me to let her outside, over and over again. She must have an upset stomach or something. Anyway. That's about it.
My skin is irritated by something too. I have bit splotchy red spots, which I guess means I'll never get married.
I've watched TV on my computer, cleaned up my room, listened to music, reorganized my bookcases, deep conditioned my hair with my stain conditioner, and trimmed my bangs.
Then, Jane and I went to Target.
I am mostly doing not much.
But I want to try and update more.
More, when (if) it happens.
Oh, the dog is weird today and stood outside my door CRYING VERY LOUDLY from about 7:30-9:30 off and on.
It was annoying. And she just wanted me to let her outside, over and over again. She must have an upset stomach or something. Anyway. That's about it.
My skin is irritated by something too. I have bit splotchy red spots, which I guess means I'll never get married.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
It's weird to be somewhere where almost no knew me as a blonde...
I'm sorry that I've been not-so-consistant. I always, ALWAYS, mean well with blogs, but I almost never keep up with them.
With the exception of a xanga that I wrote in almost everyday for around three and a half YEARS.
Since then I've not been good with it. Things like facebook, twitter, tumblr, all these things are more fun than myspace was back in the day when I updated xanga all the time, so I naturally had no other internet distractions at that time. Email, myspace, and xanga. And xanga was the most interesting.
Oh how things change so quickly. It's kind of weird, you know?
Other than being sick all last week I haven't been up to much. I was out of commisson for a good 4.5 days, so there wasn't much I could've been doing! I slept so much! Although, I think it's messed me up a little bit because now I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, just from 6am-1pm. Gross. I hate it.
I'm trying to get over it. Trying, failing, whatever.
Let's see, what've I been up to since I've last updated...Well, sick, mostly.
But, on Friday Jane I did go down to the crossroads and go to first fridays; it wasn't as organized as we meant it to be, but oh well. Then we ate at winsteads and it was SO LOUD in there. Like an entire high school had invaded it. One of the waitresses had to yell at the whole restaurant! I've never seen anything like that before! I felt like I was eating lunch in the commons again. Eventually we just went back to her apartment and chatted for a while. It wasn't a bad night.
Saturday was boring. Jane was out of town. I slept on and off all day. Talked to Renae (my roommate) for a good while, which was really nice, and then we out driving and got lost in the ghetto at night.
Good right? Yes. It was super great.
Sunday was uneventful. I went to church, I laid around. Drank coffee at Jane's.
Yesterday wasn't too bad, labor day. I went to TWO SUPER TARGETS IN ONE DAY! (wow!) and that was pretty great... I looked at CDs at best buy, and this creeper kept looking over my shoulder...I quit looking after that and went home. Talked to my grandma on the phone for about forty five minutes, which was nice.
Then I went and saw Max Justus, a local--and quite well known, apparently, he played at Cornerstone last year--DJ who Jane knows. I've never been to see a DJ, so I had no clue what to expect. And it was exactly what I expected. Oddly enough. I was really worried that I wouldn't know what to do, like stand, sit, dance, whatever, but it was okay because we just sat and watched everything that went on.
The dancing was hil-arious. Hipsters dancing, oh man, I enjoyed it ever soo much. And I liked the music a lot too. It helped that I've been listening to a lot of electronica music lately (due to my slight Erlend Oye obsesion,) so I was definitely in the mindset. Also, he's really good. Also, he's really attractive. So, either way I liked it (haha)
Although- he has a mullet. It didn't bother me at all.
But yeah, it was fun. And this guy that Jane has a crush on somewhat paid attention to her so she was all happy and stuff.
We were good, it was fun.
That was labor day. Targets, Prayer Room, And DJs.
Then I couldn't sleep, went to the prayer room. AT FIVE IN THE MORNING WHEN I HADN'T YET BEEN TO BED. So I came home and slept all afternoon, then went to broadway for coffee with Jane and then we sat at the Foundary for a while. Which after our DJing night, was pretty lame, and we're totally expecting tons of hipsters and fun times. Instead we got old people and french fries.
My sleeping patterns are all off wack.
Anyhow, now it's Jane's, Brenna's and Fred's birthdays; turning 22 and 21 respectively, HAPPY BIRD-DAY to them.
I'm watching Glee on my computer.
See you all soon.
(sorry for my inconsistancies again,)
With the exception of a xanga that I wrote in almost everyday for around three and a half YEARS.
Since then I've not been good with it. Things like facebook, twitter, tumblr, all these things are more fun than myspace was back in the day when I updated xanga all the time, so I naturally had no other internet distractions at that time. Email, myspace, and xanga. And xanga was the most interesting.
Oh how things change so quickly. It's kind of weird, you know?
Other than being sick all last week I haven't been up to much. I was out of commisson for a good 4.5 days, so there wasn't much I could've been doing! I slept so much! Although, I think it's messed me up a little bit because now I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, just from 6am-1pm. Gross. I hate it.
I'm trying to get over it. Trying, failing, whatever.
Let's see, what've I been up to since I've last updated...Well, sick, mostly.
But, on Friday Jane I did go down to the crossroads and go to first fridays; it wasn't as organized as we meant it to be, but oh well. Then we ate at winsteads and it was SO LOUD in there. Like an entire high school had invaded it. One of the waitresses had to yell at the whole restaurant! I've never seen anything like that before! I felt like I was eating lunch in the commons again. Eventually we just went back to her apartment and chatted for a while. It wasn't a bad night.
Saturday was boring. Jane was out of town. I slept on and off all day. Talked to Renae (my roommate) for a good while, which was really nice, and then we out driving and got lost in the ghetto at night.
Good right? Yes. It was super great.
Sunday was uneventful. I went to church, I laid around. Drank coffee at Jane's.
Yesterday wasn't too bad, labor day. I went to TWO SUPER TARGETS IN ONE DAY! (wow!) and that was pretty great... I looked at CDs at best buy, and this creeper kept looking over my shoulder...I quit looking after that and went home. Talked to my grandma on the phone for about forty five minutes, which was nice.
Then I went and saw Max Justus, a local--and quite well known, apparently, he played at Cornerstone last year--DJ who Jane knows. I've never been to see a DJ, so I had no clue what to expect. And it was exactly what I expected. Oddly enough. I was really worried that I wouldn't know what to do, like stand, sit, dance, whatever, but it was okay because we just sat and watched everything that went on.
The dancing was hil-arious. Hipsters dancing, oh man, I enjoyed it ever soo much. And I liked the music a lot too. It helped that I've been listening to a lot of electronica music lately (due to my slight Erlend Oye obsesion,) so I was definitely in the mindset. Also, he's really good. Also, he's really attractive. So, either way I liked it (haha)
Although- he has a mullet. It didn't bother me at all.
But yeah, it was fun. And this guy that Jane has a crush on somewhat paid attention to her so she was all happy and stuff.
We were good, it was fun.
That was labor day. Targets, Prayer Room, And DJs.
Then I couldn't sleep, went to the prayer room. AT FIVE IN THE MORNING WHEN I HADN'T YET BEEN TO BED. So I came home and slept all afternoon, then went to broadway for coffee with Jane and then we sat at the Foundary for a while. Which after our DJing night, was pretty lame, and we're totally expecting tons of hipsters and fun times. Instead we got old people and french fries.
My sleeping patterns are all off wack.
Anyhow, now it's Jane's, Brenna's and Fred's birthdays; turning 22 and 21 respectively, HAPPY BIRD-DAY to them.
I'm watching Glee on my computer.
See you all soon.
(sorry for my inconsistancies again,)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I've got my reasons!
I know that I said I would update almost everyday and I've already failed.
But, I have a good reason.
Well, for one, Sunday-I had small group.
And Monday-I had class and then hung out at the plaza with Jane (which is not a good excuse, but whatev.)
And then, THEN, I was dying. I mean, I feel okay now. But earlier, I was DYING. I have been in bed for TWO days. I have not gotten dressed for two days. I had a fever earlier, and I've thrown up five times.
This is all gross, I know, but I am sick. And I am sorry that I'm sick and bad at blogging.
But I am sick and bad at blogging, sometimes.
so, there.
But, I have a good reason.
Well, for one, Sunday-I had small group.
And Monday-I had class and then hung out at the plaza with Jane (which is not a good excuse, but whatev.)
And then, THEN, I was dying. I mean, I feel okay now. But earlier, I was DYING. I have been in bed for TWO days. I have not gotten dressed for two days. I had a fever earlier, and I've thrown up five times.
This is all gross, I know, but I am sick. And I am sorry that I'm sick and bad at blogging.
But I am sick and bad at blogging, sometimes.
so, there.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
"Whelp...Who wants pizza?"
Good Morning everyone. Ish, good morningish. I mean I definitely was up until 4 am tweaking this blog thing, and it's definitely after one PM now. It was way more morning before I went to bed last night, you know, than it is now. Oh well.
Totally besides the point.
Like I said, I'm going to update this more regularly, about recent commings and goings and pancake eating and everything.
So, here is my first attempt.
Yesterday was Friday (yes, here too.) And I only have one class on Fridays, the only class that isn't called a class, it's called a "practicum"; which only makes me think of sophomore year of high school when there was a really cute practicum student teacher (the ones who didn't teach, just chilled out and took notes...or, more commonly to my paying attention, nothing at all) that I would pass coming in and out of Mr. Jones class. This is nothing like that.
We are in a classroom for our practicum: there's a white board with markers and everything (sometimes my teacher even uses it) and a podium, and classroomy things. I think this is one of the biggest reasons it feels like a class. For my "classes" we are just in the church "sactuary" I guess is what it would be called. And there are way more of us in my normal M-W class. About 200 or more people. I digress.
The Practicum is really interesting though, mostly, because it's more intellectual stuff--history and so on. I like history a lot, I like doctrine and specifics, I like to learn about things that I'm immersed in, the back story and everything. Actually yesterday, we were talking about the cannon, and translations and stuff (the Bible) and thanks to Dr. Gartig's class last year (that I failed...besides the point,) I knew everything he was talking about! And I found that class fascinating, just really really hard.
Anyway, in that class we are talking about doctrine, and how you can't love something that you don't know anything about, and why studying doctrine is so important. And man, my heart, man.
After class I made an executive decision to not go to EGS (I'm not supposed to make decisions like that) but I just wanted out of FSM for a little while. Three hours of class everyday, four-five hours prayer room everyday... I'm just getting used to things, but I'm getting a little tired. I'm getting better, but it's a hard adjustment. It's so much sitting, sitting and waiting. Which is great! It is. It's just haaaarrrd.
I'm a wimp.
So instead of church, Jane and I went to IHOP! I mean! The Pancake kind!!
We didn't go to the IHOP that so many people are totally cool with going to in Grandview, because like I said, Grandview is the scariest. We went to Leawood, KS--which is pretty much like if all the retail in Florence married the wealth of Union and was a really spiffy suberb (one of the richest in the country) in KS. Everything there makes Grandview even scarier, with it's lack of scariness (making up some of it in pretention, but not at like...IHOP.)
There was a cute waiter, only he had a pony tail. It was weird. I could see him, Jane could not. Though, she really wanted to. Ha--I win.
Then we meander (?) around the rest of the street. Macy's, mallish stores, and Barnes and Noble. I read a lot of Michael Ian Black's book of essays. I especially loves "David Sedaris can suck it!" Why? Because I love David Sedaris and I love Michael Ian Black.
Eventually we ended up back at my house. Hung out.
And, honestly. I've lost my train of thought.
Anyhow, I'm trying to update everyday, and I've already failed.
On with tomorrow.
UP UP AND AWAY.
(Am I going to change the date so this looked like I wrote it at the right time? you bet your bottom dollar I might.)
Peace.
-hannah
Totally besides the point.
Like I said, I'm going to update this more regularly, about recent commings and goings and pancake eating and everything.
So, here is my first attempt.
Yesterday was Friday (yes, here too.) And I only have one class on Fridays, the only class that isn't called a class, it's called a "practicum"; which only makes me think of sophomore year of high school when there was a really cute practicum student teacher (the ones who didn't teach, just chilled out and took notes...or, more commonly to my paying attention, nothing at all) that I would pass coming in and out of Mr. Jones class. This is nothing like that.
We are in a classroom for our practicum: there's a white board with markers and everything (sometimes my teacher even uses it) and a podium, and classroomy things. I think this is one of the biggest reasons it feels like a class. For my "classes" we are just in the church "sactuary" I guess is what it would be called. And there are way more of us in my normal M-W class. About 200 or more people. I digress.
The Practicum is really interesting though, mostly, because it's more intellectual stuff--history and so on. I like history a lot, I like doctrine and specifics, I like to learn about things that I'm immersed in, the back story and everything. Actually yesterday, we were talking about the cannon, and translations and stuff (the Bible) and thanks to Dr. Gartig's class last year (that I failed...besides the point,) I knew everything he was talking about! And I found that class fascinating, just really really hard.
Anyway, in that class we are talking about doctrine, and how you can't love something that you don't know anything about, and why studying doctrine is so important. And man, my heart, man.
After class I made an executive decision to not go to EGS (I'm not supposed to make decisions like that) but I just wanted out of FSM for a little while. Three hours of class everyday, four-five hours prayer room everyday... I'm just getting used to things, but I'm getting a little tired. I'm getting better, but it's a hard adjustment. It's so much sitting, sitting and waiting. Which is great! It is. It's just haaaarrrd.
I'm a wimp.
So instead of church, Jane and I went to IHOP! I mean! The Pancake kind!!
We didn't go to the IHOP that so many people are totally cool with going to in Grandview, because like I said, Grandview is the scariest. We went to Leawood, KS--which is pretty much like if all the retail in Florence married the wealth of Union and was a really spiffy suberb (one of the richest in the country) in KS. Everything there makes Grandview even scarier, with it's lack of scariness (making up some of it in pretention, but not at like...IHOP.)
There was a cute waiter, only he had a pony tail. It was weird. I could see him, Jane could not. Though, she really wanted to. Ha--I win.
Then we meander (?) around the rest of the street. Macy's, mallish stores, and Barnes and Noble. I read a lot of Michael Ian Black's book of essays. I especially loves "David Sedaris can suck it!" Why? Because I love David Sedaris and I love Michael Ian Black.
Eventually we ended up back at my house. Hung out.
And, honestly. I've lost my train of thought.
Anyhow, I'm trying to update everyday, and I've already failed.
On with tomorrow.
UP UP AND AWAY.
(Am I going to change the date so this looked like I wrote it at the right time? you bet your bottom dollar I might.)
Peace.
-hannah
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Copeland, making me feel like missing home.
Hello all, internet, friends, countrymen, fellow apostles, brothers, sisters, starbucks partners.... ect.
School has started for pretty much everyone that I know now, and I hope that it is all going very well. I'm thinking and praying for everyone to have super productive semesters. Lord knows, I need that in my life. School is so different; it's so good, and it's so weird. I spend more time not in class, and in the prayer room--for a grade. This is weird, because I have a super short attention span. I mean, really God is wonderful, He really is, but I get so distracted. Do you know all that's going on in the GPR (global prayer room--here at IHOP-KC, we are all about initials.)?? Soooo much. Like, there is all these cameras that are taping for GodTV, there are people pacing, there are more asian people than I've ever seen (and I've been to China Town NY) there are worship teams, there's Lou Engle, and Allen Hood and all these other people I've seen my mom watching on TV. There are cute boys. There are little kids. There are so many interestin people. There are so many people doing stuff, and I just wanna look at it.
This is what I get to do for school--sheesh! It' really weird.
(so, sidenote: my keyboard is sticking like you would not believe, and if there's a letter missing from a word, I apologize. I'm trying to pound the stickiness out of the keys, but I can only type so hard. It kind of hurts. But, I digress. What I mean to say is, sorry if I miss letters sometimes.)
Anyway though, school is so different because it's more Church than school, though it's way more school than church. Okay, okay, it's only been one and half whole weeks. I don't really know what I'm talking about. Bear with me.
How is school for everyone going though? I really wanna know, I wanna be all up to date with you all.
And if you aren't in school, how's the end of the summer? How's jobs? Life? Good? I hope so.
But other than school, I've been doing plenty of things; KC is such a cool city. I have been around more hipsters than I was when I was at Cornerstone, or Clifton or anything. It's really weird. They're all so pretty...
I've eaten such good food. I've been in cooler places, with awesome people, it's been really great.
I live in a house with 4 other girls, and they are all blessings to have and know. We also have a dog (well, my roommate, technically, has a dog. But we all love her.) her name is Hayley and she is the prettiest golden retriever ever (well, minus my good ol' Lady [RIP]) and if you know me, you know I'm eating that up with a spoon. Seriously she is the coolest. She's like a dog on TV, you know the pretty healthy goldens who just want to be petted and play ball; if you throw a frisbee in the air she can run and catch it before it hits the ground. Lady didn't move unless there was food involved, and sometimes not even then; Winston doesn't know how to sit on command--you can imagine my joy.
Other than the dog, I'm also getting along with my roommates, as I said, they're all pretty great. Janae and Tori are sisters, they have the lease on the house, they're from California; they are the sweetest girls ever, and so funny. Janae is genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and is so interested in people. It's wonderful. Tori is hilarious! She has the greatest giggle I've ever heard. Renae has the room right next to mine, she is from Kansas (about three hours west of here,) and she works as a day care. She is funny and great to be around--tomorrow we are going a-job hunting together--and she is so grounded and on track with the Lord. She's great to be around and get to learn from. Also, she's just super fun. Then lastly (and maybe not much longer :( :( which I'll miss her a lot!) is Jordan. Jordan has been pretty much everywhere, and done like everything. She lived in Florida, she went to Asbury for awhile (so she lived in KY!) and then went to Simmons College in Boston (and took classes at Harvard! Holy crap! Who does that?! Rivers Cuomo, Natalie Portman...Rory Gilmore... Seriously.) She is the coolest though, and I'm so happy to know her. She's pretty much the funniest person ever. And I feel super cool that she likes me.
I live in a pretty great house.
Grandview (the suburb of KC that I --unfortunately, technically--live in) is totally creepy. Totally.
There is an entire abandoned shopping mall, along with all the other shopping on the road. It would be if Mall road, and Houston were completely deserted. (If you are from Florence, or NKY, would that be relevant, but yeah)
Super creepy, right? Yes.
And you kinda feel like you're going to be attacked or somehing. Thank God that IHOP-KC is based here, other wise it would stupid to live here.
Um, I can't think of anything else to talk about right now (it's so late.)
Starting tomorrow I think it'll be more day to day, less general, entries.
But I kinda just wanted to talk a little about vague stuff.
I hope everyone is sleeping right now. And getting plenty of rest (it's almost 4 in the morning! eek, here, which means it's almost 5 for most of you, in eastern time!) and have great weekends.
talk more tomorrow, I'll be more organized.
love love love, hannah
School has started for pretty much everyone that I know now, and I hope that it is all going very well. I'm thinking and praying for everyone to have super productive semesters. Lord knows, I need that in my life. School is so different; it's so good, and it's so weird. I spend more time not in class, and in the prayer room--for a grade. This is weird, because I have a super short attention span. I mean, really God is wonderful, He really is, but I get so distracted. Do you know all that's going on in the GPR (global prayer room--here at IHOP-KC, we are all about initials.)?? Soooo much. Like, there is all these cameras that are taping for GodTV, there are people pacing, there are more asian people than I've ever seen (and I've been to China Town NY) there are worship teams, there's Lou Engle, and Allen Hood and all these other people I've seen my mom watching on TV. There are cute boys. There are little kids. There are so many interestin people. There are so many people doing stuff, and I just wanna look at it.
This is what I get to do for school--sheesh! It' really weird.
(so, sidenote: my keyboard is sticking like you would not believe, and if there's a letter missing from a word, I apologize. I'm trying to pound the stickiness out of the keys, but I can only type so hard. It kind of hurts. But, I digress. What I mean to say is, sorry if I miss letters sometimes.)
Anyway though, school is so different because it's more Church than school, though it's way more school than church. Okay, okay, it's only been one and half whole weeks. I don't really know what I'm talking about. Bear with me.
How is school for everyone going though? I really wanna know, I wanna be all up to date with you all.
And if you aren't in school, how's the end of the summer? How's jobs? Life? Good? I hope so.
But other than school, I've been doing plenty of things; KC is such a cool city. I have been around more hipsters than I was when I was at Cornerstone, or Clifton or anything. It's really weird. They're all so pretty...
I've eaten such good food. I've been in cooler places, with awesome people, it's been really great.
I live in a house with 4 other girls, and they are all blessings to have and know. We also have a dog (well, my roommate, technically, has a dog. But we all love her.) her name is Hayley and she is the prettiest golden retriever ever (well, minus my good ol' Lady [RIP]) and if you know me, you know I'm eating that up with a spoon. Seriously she is the coolest. She's like a dog on TV, you know the pretty healthy goldens who just want to be petted and play ball; if you throw a frisbee in the air she can run and catch it before it hits the ground. Lady didn't move unless there was food involved, and sometimes not even then; Winston doesn't know how to sit on command--you can imagine my joy.
Other than the dog, I'm also getting along with my roommates, as I said, they're all pretty great. Janae and Tori are sisters, they have the lease on the house, they're from California; they are the sweetest girls ever, and so funny. Janae is genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and is so interested in people. It's wonderful. Tori is hilarious! She has the greatest giggle I've ever heard. Renae has the room right next to mine, she is from Kansas (about three hours west of here,) and she works as a day care. She is funny and great to be around--tomorrow we are going a-job hunting together--and she is so grounded and on track with the Lord. She's great to be around and get to learn from. Also, she's just super fun. Then lastly (and maybe not much longer :( :( which I'll miss her a lot!) is Jordan. Jordan has been pretty much everywhere, and done like everything. She lived in Florida, she went to Asbury for awhile (so she lived in KY!) and then went to Simmons College in Boston (and took classes at Harvard! Holy crap! Who does that?! Rivers Cuomo, Natalie Portman...Rory Gilmore... Seriously.) She is the coolest though, and I'm so happy to know her. She's pretty much the funniest person ever. And I feel super cool that she likes me.
I live in a pretty great house.
Grandview (the suburb of KC that I --unfortunately, technically--live in) is totally creepy. Totally.
There is an entire abandoned shopping mall, along with all the other shopping on the road. It would be if Mall road, and Houston were completely deserted. (If you are from Florence, or NKY, would that be relevant, but yeah)
Super creepy, right? Yes.
And you kinda feel like you're going to be attacked or somehing. Thank God that IHOP-KC is based here, other wise it would stupid to live here.
Um, I can't think of anything else to talk about right now (it's so late.)
Starting tomorrow I think it'll be more day to day, less general, entries.
But I kinda just wanted to talk a little about vague stuff.
I hope everyone is sleeping right now. And getting plenty of rest (it's almost 4 in the morning! eek, here, which means it's almost 5 for most of you, in eastern time!) and have great weekends.
talk more tomorrow, I'll be more organized.
love love love, hannah
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Apparently I know nothing about the midwest.
Welcome to my "new blog". New URL, whatev.
I'm living in a new place. I'm starting a new "school". I'm learning about myself, about my God, about my life; about shaing with people, about reaching out, and about literally doing nothing but praying. It's really crazy.
I wanted to start this new blog to keep you all up to date. I want to be more consistant, because really the people who read my blog (maybe, with the exception of Janey-waney,) don't see me, and don't talk to me on an everyday basis. I want to keep everyone "in the know" (because I am so fascinating--you know it--don't lie to yourself.)
Also, don't expect me to only talk abot IHOP, ect, because really--I won't. I'll talk about food, and boys, and my roommates, and most likely about what I'm reading, listenng to, and my new best friend: Hayley (hayley is the golden retriever who is laying on me as I write this.)
Be prepared to read something at least a little interesting; just because I moved to a serious place doesn't mean I've given up my oh-so-famous rambling (pointless) storytelling.
There you go, a little into.
Check back, follow me, RSS feed me, bookmark, whatever you wanna do.
I wanna keep in touch, and I want you all to know what I'm up to and what wonderful things GOD is going to be dong in myl life (wow, seriously, WOW) and more importantly that I love and miss you all and I'm praying for you. And I'm required to be a prayer room, worshipping and in serious prayer at least 25 hours... a week. So you know, I've got time to be praying for you.
Be blessed, and hope we all talk soon!
love, Hannah
I'm living in a new place. I'm starting a new "school". I'm learning about myself, about my God, about my life; about shaing with people, about reaching out, and about literally doing nothing but praying. It's really crazy.
I wanted to start this new blog to keep you all up to date. I want to be more consistant, because really the people who read my blog (maybe, with the exception of Janey-waney,) don't see me, and don't talk to me on an everyday basis. I want to keep everyone "in the know" (because I am so fascinating--you know it--don't lie to yourself.)
Also, don't expect me to only talk abot IHOP, ect, because really--I won't. I'll talk about food, and boys, and my roommates, and most likely about what I'm reading, listenng to, and my new best friend: Hayley (hayley is the golden retriever who is laying on me as I write this.)
Be prepared to read something at least a little interesting; just because I moved to a serious place doesn't mean I've given up my oh-so-famous rambling (pointless) storytelling.
There you go, a little into.
Check back, follow me, RSS feed me, bookmark, whatever you wanna do.
I wanna keep in touch, and I want you all to know what I'm up to and what wonderful things GOD is going to be dong in myl life (wow, seriously, WOW) and more importantly that I love and miss you all and I'm praying for you. And I'm required to be a prayer room, worshipping and in serious prayer at least 25 hours... a week. So you know, I've got time to be praying for you.
Be blessed, and hope we all talk soon!
love, Hannah
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